“There’s something wrong with me”
“I’m not good enough”
“What’s the matter with me?”
“I should have this sorted by now”
“How come everyone else has it together?”
“I’ll never get through this”
“I should be better”
Where do all these thoughts come from?
In any 24 hr period it is estimated that the average Western child receives several hundred negative messages and only 20 or so positive messages.
The negative messages needn’t be anything profound, but little things like “Now come on. I’ve told you before. Don’t wipe peanut butter on the dining room walls!”
Disapproval of one form or another might be a better way of putting it. Confronted with so much big person disapproval, the small child has little option but to conclude that “there’s something wrong with me”, since his presence on the Planet has not been met with universal bliss by both or either parent.
If the child were perfect he could make mum and dad blissfully happy, he may believe. He may conclude that in order to get what he wants he must adapt.
He must try and become as the big people around him appear to want in order to have his needs met.
The power of this is of course that he cannot keep himself alive, and so is very susceptible to the pressures he finds himself under.
These may not be obvious to an outsider, and may amount to the psychological confusion or irresolution of one or both parents.
Since parents aren’t perfectly realized beings, it is inevitable that they will pass on some of their unresolved issues to their offspring. This means that the environment in which the child finds himself is already charged with the incomplete parental issues and the child will pick these up and respond to them.
Because of this we often can’t think back to childhood and put our fingers on why it was that we have a certain adaptation, since we registered it at a non-verbal age. We were responding intuitively, from our need to survive. Because survival was the issue at such a young age when we were unable to keep ourselves alive, the matters with which we contend as adults may appear life threatening.
As a consequence we may be reluctant to address them since our experience to date in life is that whilst they’re uncomfortable, damaging even, at least we have a history of surviving them. Our original adaptation has gotten us this far, i.e. it worked, and we’re not sure we’re willing to take the risk of moving beyond it.
We prefer the pain and suffering of the certainty to the fear of the uncertainty.
Subject to the environment as a child we adapt and create our Second Nature or our Ego. We surround ourselves with beliefs, opinions, attitudes and answers of which we claim we’re certain.
We separate ourselves from everyone else, cocooned for safety within the perimeter of our adaptations and we become reluctant to part with them. Only usually when the pain of the adaptation exceeds the fear of letting it go will we be willing to risk experiencing something different.
Within this defensive perimeter lies the essence of who we are, unavailable to ourselves or anyone else until the protective mechanisms are released a little. Those defences not only protect us but they separate us from nature, thereby diminishing our healing response. That response is an unfettered set of thoughts, feelings and actions which represent a collision of current circumstances with past conditioning.
The more we can free our responses, the more our immune and endocrine systems are free to heal us.
This is the art of allowing contemporary circumstances to be the very vehicle of our healing from past adaptations which have caused psychological and eventually physical disease.
Our anger directed towards ourself and at others is a left over from the time when we were obliged to adapt to receive parental caring. The first response of the child to discovering that he had to adapt at all would likely have been fear, followed pretty quickly by anger.
Guilt, which is really anger directed at oneself, is one of the most difficult of human emotions to deal with and consequently, the one seized upon by religions worldwide to control the masses.
Courts and Governments use the same methodology. They understand that everyone is guilty about something and try and invoke that guilt in the service of their own needs.
Releasing guilt, which really comes from observing it and understanding it, as well as a freeing of the anger and fear underlying it, is one of the greatest healing experiences of the human being.
The containment of emotions and the repetition of thoughts which are given credence, confines the physiology and causes disease.
The pain and suffering justifies looking at ourselves and life differently and permits healing to begin. Along with the allowing of anger, sadness, fear and joy is the freeing of the thoughts.
This occurs by allowing ourselves to recognize that thoughts are collisions of firing neurones stimulated by our five senses in the present, with a left over remnant of a belief from the past.
They aren’t true, they aren’t real and they aren’t us.
We, as has been mentioned many a time, are being “thunk”.
The recognition of the natural pathway of human childrearing, leading to all of us believing that there’s something wrong with us, is the start of the journey back.
The first part of our life was spent acquiring the adaptations, the second part, the journey home, is spent releasing them.
Welcome to the journey home.